You Are the Reason

You are the Reason

This post is not meant to diagnose, treat, or save you from mental illness, if you or someone you love is in danger, please get help. You can text HOME to 741741 to be connected with a crisis counselor. I personally have.

http://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts

This is hard for me, harder than I thought it would be. I have so many ideas in my head for where I want this blog to go. I want to start small, but I also have so much information in my brain to share with you reader. You found this blog for a reason; however you got here: Welcome. In this space I will be sharing with you my life with Bipolar 1, Depression, Mania, Psychosis, OCD, OCPD, and Trauma, and PTSD. I hope to discuss everything in this space, although sometimes it may come as nothing more than a journal entry; it’s going to be an informational diary of sorts. The whole thing will be a roller coaster ride: ups and downs, much as my life and mental health journey.

As some of you may already know, living with Bipolar has many ups and downs. Gosh I sound generic on the subject already, which is what I am trying to avoid. I am in no way an expert on Bipolar 1, depression, or mania and hypomania. I have though, lived through these conditions. I have been in the best of moods: thinking there was nothing I couldn’t do and that the entire world was at my fingertips. That is the “fun” manic; everyone claims they want this feeling. On the flip side of that, is depression. Not just being a little bit sad, but feeling like the world is better off without you in it. Feeling like you don’t want to do anything or be a part of anything anymore, or ever again; it sucks.

My hope with this blog is to spill my guts, my feelings, and my happenings in the hope that it may someday reach one person who can resonate with it. For I am a selfless person, I cannot find joy in doing things just for myself. I have to have a reason to drive me, to push me to be better. You reader are that for me. You are the reason I want to explain all that has happened and how I am, somehow, still alive. I have and am surviving this condition, this diagnosis, this brain. It has taken a lot of time and patience, a huge support system, and tons of time and energy everyday spent to just stay alive; it is excruciating. Do any of these feelings resonate with you?

I am not here to diagnose, cure, or treat anyone. I am simply here to make you feel like you are not the only crazy one reader. You are not alone, even though I know sometimes you think you are. I can tell you first-hand about the mental health industry: symptoms, hospitalizations, partial hospitalizations, therapy, therapists, some psychology and working with a psychologist, group therapy (both in person and online), medications, brain retraining, holistic approaches, and above all: coping skills and how they can work for you. Albeit, every person and their experiences are different. I can only give feedback. Just know that I have some serious background in the mental health game.

In upcoming posts, I plan tell you soon about some of my hospital visits, my psychosis, psychotic breaks, mania, hypomania, and depressions. There will also be a few parts for my diagnoses and my husband’s diagnoses: Bipolar 1, obsessive compulsive disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, depression & mania, insomnia and anxiety for me, and my husbands ADHD. If you don’t know what some of those are, they’ll be explained in other posts. If you have some of these, today my takeaway is: Your diagnosis doesn’t make you who you are; it doesn’t define you. What makes you who you are is a lot more than the most recent thing you’ve been diagnosed with or self-diagnosed of. Just because you have a few traits of a certain illness, does not mean its CODE RED time to hurry up and freak out about it (although that is a pretty standard and valid response). Don’t stay up at night researching topic after topic if you can help it. In my experience, this only ads to more and more anxiety.

Thank you for reading my first ever blog post, hope to see you again!

-A Manic Monday