Stay At Home Mom

Stay at Home Mom

This post is not meant to diagnose, treat, or save you from mental illness, if you or someone you love is in danger, please get help. You can text HOME to 741741 to be connected with a crisis counselor. I personally have. You can also call or text 988 for suicide and crisis help.
http://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts

Being a stay at home mom (SAHM) has its ups and downs. My children are both of school age now, so things have changed dramatically. I have been home for my children everyday since they were born. There are amazing aspects of it, as well as some seriously negative aspects. For one thing, being on call for your children 24/7 is a total gift. You get to be there for all of their milestones, awards, rewards, trials, scrapes, bumps and tribulations; all of the positive affirmations: “you are capable of hard things”, “you can do it”, “it’s okay”, “you are strong”, etc. You also get to enjoy the backrubs, the snuggles, the kisses and hugs, their cute facial expressions, and you never miss a minute of watching them grow into amazing humans.

Although this isn’t a whining session on being a stay at home mom, because I enjoy it, there are hard times that come with the job. Being on call 24/7 for any job can be draining and have its downfalls; everyone deserves a break or a day off. Stay at home mothers can experience: having to always be the good guy and the bad guy, having to constantly clean up over and over, having to not have the self worth of bringing in money for your family, having little to no time for yourself and your own self care, and overall just ALWAYS wearing the “MOM!” title. Like I said, this isn’t a complaining session. Rather a look at the overall picture that I, as a “Stay at Home Mom” experience every day. The title in itself is flawed; expressing that the mother figure must always “stay” at home.

I understand working mothers face their own issues. I am free to be there for all of the fun school activities, the to and from school, the sick days, the sleep overs, and the homework and extra curricular days. I can baby my children in any way I see fit and make sure they have the “tools” they need to navigate through life. I can take that extra time they need to explain, nurture, teach, and aid them in whatever they require. It’s a gift. To be able to take your kid to school late because they aren’t felling well, to be able to be there for all the “good morning(s)” and the “good night(s)”, to kiss their boo-boos, to get those big long hugs, not needing to let go right away. It’s profoundly wonderful. There is nothing like it that I have ever, or likely will ever experience. Each day is vastly different.

But lets again go back to the title, the job, the zoomed out look at a stay at home mother. Unless your partner makes an exponential amount of money, you can be left feeling defeated by the pressure; I know I have. Feeling like you are not worth the monetary value of a “real job” can take it’s tole. Wanting, but being unable to, have five free minutes to have a bowl movement is detrimental to ones health. Feeling locked in any place for two long can make even the most “sane” people feel stir crazy. The line between being a mother and being your own person starts to fade. Until, that line is almost invisible to you, yourself. Others may see this as a “reward”: “Oh you GET to stay home” people say. “You are so lucky”. And I am! I personally am lucky. But you might also hear “I could never do that, I would go CRAZY!”, “How do you stand it? I need my freedom.” So the conflict for the job is high.

I want to do the best for my children. But what does that mean for me personally? Well its taken a long time to figure it out and I am still learning every day. For one thing, I have to above all else prioritize my own mental and physical health above everything and everyone else. Now this may sound selfish to some, but the correct vocab word is self care. Without the use of self care, anyone can lose their way, especially stay at home mothers. We are at risk of so many ailments that can be avoided by simply taking more time to be aware of our own needs. This, in my opinion, does not make you a “bad mom”, it makes you a whole person. I am not even saying that you have to be female for these ailments to effect you. I was however born as, and identify as, a female. And I can say first hand about the struggles I myself face, as well as other mothers I have spoken with.

Again, as with my other posts, I am not an expert. I am not here to point fingers, to diagnose, or to treat anyone. I am “just” a wife, mom, daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, and a friend trying to show you my story in hopes that it can help you too in some way. Try to remember that you are a person too; you are a whole human who has needs, not wants, in order to maintain a healthy body and mind. It may seems unobtainable, but you can take small steps every day to get there: “baby steps”. Try making a list of the things you NEED; not what the other people or your kids need, not a grocery list, a laundry list, a chore list, a honey do list, a Christmas list, not a wish list, a back to school list, a medication list, a diagnosis list, an ailment list, a worry list, a pro/con list, but a list of what YOU need to maintain a healthy body and mind. I have.

-A Manic Monday