Real Men

Real Men

This post is not meant to diagnose, treat, or save you from mental illness, if you or someone you love is in danger, please get help. You can text HOME to 741741 to be connected with a crisis counselor. I personally have. You can also call or text 988 for suicide and crisis help.
http://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts

• “Real men are the ones that protect women”,
• “Real men fight”.
• “Real men wear pink.”
• “Real men don’t cry.”
• “Real men work to support their families.”
• “Real men are warriors”.
• “Real men are handsome”.
• “Real men know when to quit”.
• “Real men drive trucks”…
• “Real men go fast!”

In today’s society, the concept of what it means to be a “real man” is evolving. Gone are the days when masculinity was solely defined by physical strength and stoicism. Today, being a real man encompasses a broader spectrum of qualities that reflect emotional intelligence, empathy, and integrity.

In my opinion, society still has a flawed perception of what a man should be. Yes, I am a female with a straight sexual choice, but I have also had 18 years of commitment behind my statements. So as a straight female, I believe that men can be both masculine and strong, while still performing tasks that are labeled feminine. I believe that “real men” are self made, selfless, and committed to their partners. This is obviously easier, if said man is in love with his partner. I still believe in some kind of gender roles, I wouldn’t be a stay at home mom if I didn’t. However, I love mowing the lawn, helping in the garage, and riding dirt bikes. Back when I first started riding dirt bikes, in 1998, there was no female gear. I actually remember when they came out with pink jerseys and apparel. When I raced as a kid, I had a red jersey, but the boys still knew I was a girl by my hair hanging down. The boys would run me off the track, on purpose. I quickly learned to tuck my pig tails into my helmet.

I was often judged as a child, for being too boyish. Back then, the term “tomboy” was popular. Now, I am proud of manning the grill, my ability to use the right tool for the job, knowledge to change and plug a tire, and my fire building skills. I am also happy to be a stay at home mom. I enjoy vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, and straightening my house. My husband cooks, does the laundry and dishes, and helps me keep the house clean. Many would view that as me being fortunate; I am lucky that he helps with our home. I am lucky enough to have found a man who is not afraid to do feminine chores. He’s also excited to do “girly” things with our daughter, like gluing on her fake nails, letting her give him a makeover, and brushing her hair the way she likes it. He can even put my hair and my daughters into a pony tail.

We, as parents, walk a fine line between freeing our children from gender roles, and playing into societies view. They both go to public school and are heavily influenced by harsh gender lines. Like for example, girls wear pink and boys do not. Raising one boy and one girl can have it’s challenges. But we never tell them; “that’s just for girls” or “that’s only for boys”. They have the same household chores, but some things come naturally to each: my daughter loves to help with the dishes and my son loves to vacuum. We try our best to teach them that they can do anything, but society still insists that makeup is just for girls. It takes a real man and a real woman to push past those gender based expectations. I only hope to help blur that line, in hopes that someday, it won’t be this way. I think we are all on our way to better.

-A Manic Monday