Getting A Therapist

Getting a Therapist: My First

This post is not meant to diagnose, treat, or save you from mental illness, if you or someone you love is in danger, please get help. You can text HOME to 741741 to be connected with a crisis counselor. I personally have. You can also call or text 988 for suicide and crisis help.
http://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts

Even with my first psychotic break and first psych stay, I had never had a therapist. The county that gave me my first psychiatric hold never gave me any resources for one. In fact, they sent me to two follow up visits: one at a health clinic and one at a mental health clinic. The health clinic helped me confirm what I had already known: that I was indeed pregnant and had been the whole time. At first they actually made me feel crazy again, stating that there was no way I was 10 weeks along, being that I had just tested negative at the hospital 10 weeks ago. Mind you, the hospital never took a blood test. So the health clinic skeptically took samples of my blood and urine and ran their tests; they both came back positive. The clinic doctor later told me, on the phone, “can you believe it? You are ten weeks along”. “Thank you” I stated. I hung up the phone and never returned to that clinic; no one should ever make a woman who states she is pregnant feel crazy. Next, I intended to take care of my mental health, yes I had been pregnant, not sleeping and under a lot of change and stress, but I could still have an underlying mental illness that I wanted desperately to address. However, when I went to the appointment that the mental health board had set up for me, there were none available. All the appointments were full unless court ordered, which mine was not. I felt let down and disappointed. How could I deal with my mental health if the place where I had been sent by my hospital psychiatrist was unavailable to me? I didn’t know at the time what to do or where to turn. There was a lot I didn’t know at the time. I also didn’t know where to look for resources. Maybe I was just pregnant and I had been in psychosis due to extreme sleep deprivation. Many family members and friends agreed that I wasn’t crazy and didn’t need to feel like it. So at the time, I gave up my search for a mental health professional.

I went years without a psychotic break; I had my daughter, stayed at home raising her and my son, moved back to my hometown and all together was doing really well for myself. I hadn’t even had a seriously depressive or manic mood even through the Covid lockdown of 2019/2020. Yes I had some mood swings, but what woman with two small children doesn’t? It wasn’t anything major or life altering. So I kept on with my coping skills: spending time with family, playing with my kids, organizing my surroundings, reading and showing my kids all my favorite Disney movies. They kept me active on walks, jogs, bike rides, play dates and playtime; I was happy. Moving back to my hometown was a hit to my pride, but I was very happy to be around family and friends again. We had gotten a big house, a yard and separate bedrooms for our children; life was grand. We spent Easter, my daughter’s birthday and Christmas surrounded by family, my father included. It wasn’t until he died that scary day on the lake (see “Losing Dad” post for that story) that I began to realize this depression and anxiety would bring me to a new level of low. I had heard about PTSD enough to know full well that I was having symptoms.

It was after I lost my dad that I knew I would need treatment. I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that the moments I had experienced would stay with me and haunt me forever. No one in my family has ever been diagnosed with a mental disorder to my knowledge outside of anxiety and some circumstantial depression. I sought out to make sure I was different. I wanted to be healthier than the generation before me: I wanted more. So, I called the number on the back of my insurance card and asked the woman on the phone for help finding a counselor that specialize in grief. I knew I wanted to find someone specific to help with what I was going through. I was worried about myself, my children, and the rest of my family. I knew that if I got help, I would be able to help them too. The woman who worked for the insurance company was very understanding. She found me someone in network and covered by my insurance. For a small copay, I had found a therapist to work through my pain. Choosing to get mental health help was one of the best things I ever did for myself. Having someone to talk to about my trauma, my past, and the tools I needed to continue to be healthier was life changing. She was patient, kind and understanding. I realize that a this is not everyone’s experience with mental health; I was lucky.

Finding a therapist can be hard. There are a lot of options out there and it can be difficult to find one that is right for you. It can also be difficult to find the resources available in your county. I would first check with your insurance company, some have apps and websites. You can also do what I did: call the number on the back of your insurance card. If you really need help, you can ask for a case worker who can be assigned to you to assist you in finding help. They can provide you with resources that fit your needs. In my opinion the hardest parts are deciding that it is finally time to take the first steps and begin your mental health journey. I believe it is a lot easier to just treat your symptoms and keep grinding through life. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with treating your symptoms. However for myself, I wanted to do more than just get by and get through it. I wanted to know how to get ahead of it and learn more about my conditions and about myself.

Another way you can get mental health help is to go through your primary care doctor. You can let your doctor know of the symptoms that you have been having and you can go through the steps with them about getting a referral to either a counselor or to a psychiatrist. You may also be worried that a psychiatrist might only want to treat you with medication. Although, if you are up front and honest about your reservations for medications, most psychiatrists are understanding and forth coming about their intentions. I personally would suggest to not settle on a psychiatrist you do not trust, though it can take some time to get comfortable with one. Your local health department can also connect you to your local mental health board. Through them, you can get several resources for mental health. They can help you find free or low cost help. Of course, you can always start with researching mental health care near you. The internet can be both a scary place and a helpful place. I would suggest not using it as a tool to diagnose yourself. This can vastly add to your anxieties about your own symptoms, as well as develop a fear for and of your condition. Not everyone has a mental health condition, but getting a counselor to have someone to talk to can only help your overall well being as far as I am concerned. Whatever way you chose to find resources, they can only educate you towards help. My feedback is to get all of the resources that you can and explore them in order to chose the one that is right for you. A lot of people may believe that there is little or no help out there for their condition. However, this is just not true. Please do not get discouraged and give up. Take your time, give yourself grace and keep faith that you can find someone.

The amount of help I have now is monumental.It took me a long time to develop a comfortable relationship with my counselor. I had her for almost two years before she changed professions. Finding and creating a new relationship was not easy, but it was worth it. The things we talk about are monumental to my mind set. My therapist helps me work through my anxieties, validates my feelings, and gives me tools to help me get through the hard parts of Bipolar. Although it took me several years to get a difinitive diagnosis, having a counselor see me through all of that was life changing. It helped me be brave enough to face my anxieties. Has it healed me and made me all better? No, but it has helped heal pieces of me.

-A Manic Monday