All Balled Up

DEPRESSION VS Mania

This post is not meant to diagnose, treat, or save you from mental illness; if you or someone you love is in danger, please get help. You can text HOME to 741741 to be connected with a crisis counselor. I personally have. You can also call or text 988 for suicide and crisis help.
http://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts

Mania is like a ping pong ball. It is fast and all over the place, going from one place to another with speed. You can barely catch it. You often misplace it when playing and cannot find where it rolled off to. Much are the symptoms of mania. Your brain feels like a ping pong ball: hopping from one subject to the next. Much like a ping pong ball, it can be hard to slow down. But goodness gracious are you productive. You feel like you can do almost anything. In the medical field when someone says they are “Manic” it often gets slapped with a “crazy” connotation. But those who are Bipolar and have been Bipolar for some time, know it is not always like that. You can live through the mania without going into psychosis and doing full blown, over the top, scary, stupid things. Once it is managed (as much as it can be for a mentally healthy Bipolar person) you can do amazing things while being manic. I get some of my best work done while I am in a controlled manic state. I am like a happy little ping pong ball: able to bounce all around happily. My thoughts can be managed although I want to complete a lot of tasks that I had otherwise (mostly in a depressive state) been putting off or neglecting.

Ping pong balls can also be used for many different games, not just the obvious: ping pong. There are many popular drinking games that we have all heard of and even some we, or others, have made up. Much is that way with mania. It looks different for every person, but it can be adapted in many ways. For example, my mania (while managed) looks like a productive, busy, extroverted, clean, organized person. My mania can be seen as a light, friendly game of battle pong (the one sold in stores and marketed for children, it is like battle ship). Where as someone else mania can look like a wild game of beer pong or a speedy highly intense, profession game of ping pong. The ball wizzing all around back and forth, all over the floor, making some sense, but not a lot. This is where in I find my similarities to mania and a ping pong ball: it is fun, bouncy, light and pretty carefree.

On the other hand, and always looked down upon, we have depression. Which to me, seems more like a soft ball. Have you ever tried to bounce a soft ball? It bounces maybe once or twice with a thud before confirming its place on the ground. Although I am aware it may roll, so does depression. Yes, softball is a fun sport and the ball does still move very quickly. I would compare that to the beginning of depression for some people with Bipolar. It begins with: “oh I can just stay in bed today and have the day off: FUN! But then you don’t bounce right back up. You stay down on the ground like a soft ball; hitting the bottom with a thud. My depression, although somewhat managed still lasts about 5-10 days at a time, even after years of therapy, strict medication, and a laundry list ofc ping skills. Because, like a soft ball, no matter how hard you try, the ball doesn’t bounce right back into your grip every time. No in depression, you need someone to throw you the ball every now and then if you are going to get a head of it and catch the damn thing. In softball, you need a team and in depression (and with any mental illness) you need a team. You need someone to help you back up when you hit the ground with a thud and can find your bounce again.

Now you might think these comparisons are crazy, you might not follow them at all, and that’s okay. Because I only hope to show you a new perspective: my perspective. My depression feels like I am all balled up tightly like a soft ball. I do not bounce and I can not be unraveled from my sadness very easily. I need the help of my family, friends and care team. My Mania is much like the ping pong ball, it can be easily crushed or burnt out. It sends me bouncing all over the place. But much like Newton’s first law: an object in motion will stay in motion, until a force acts to stop it. In mania, we need to rest and stop it. Where as an object at rest will only begin to move if an external force is applied to it. In depression, we need that external force, someone or something to help us back up again. It takes a village, and time to build that village. I am thankful for mine.

-A Manic Monday